Friday, November 14, 2008

Let it go

Really, it is time. In May, I had maintained a 50 lb. weight loss for 1 1/2 years. I was feeling really good about my body, and I ran in my first 5k on Mother's Day. My birthday was in two days, and I was excited because I was going to run in another 5k on my birthday.

I had just picked the kids up from school, and was waiting to turn left into my subdivision. We live just off of a really busy road, with a 55 mph speed limit. There's a lane to the right of me for cars to pass, and five cars went by as I waited for the mile-long line of cars to clear to the left of me. All of the sudden, without a squeal of tires there was a huge, ear shattering crack. We were suddenly turned 3/4 of the way around in the oncoming lane of traffic. By some miracle, my front bumper followed the last oncoming car, and the next car was far enough away to barely come to a stop just feet away from my rear bumper. The car that hit me was 20 feet beyond the accident site and was in bad shape. The two passengers climbed out, but the driver was trapped inside the car. My toddler was screaming, I jumped out of the car to see if they were okay. Half a dozen neighbors came running down to help, most of them had been waiting for the bus to drop their kids off from school. My kids were okay, none were hurt.They were either in a car seat or a high-backed booster (even the 8-y-o). My middle son, in the back seat on the passenger's side, was pelted with my sunglasses, which had flown off my face; his older brother's eyeglasses, and both of his little brother's shoes (they were knocked off by the force of the impact). To get them away from the busy road, my neighbor took them to her house until police and ambulance arrived.

There was heavy traffic on both sides of the road, I was able to get my SUV onto the shoulder, but I wasn't able to go over to the other car to check on the girl, I was really worried about her. She left in the ambulance with her two friends. The woman in the car that followed the girl said that she was in shock because she saw that the girl wasn't slowing down at all, and she had seen my car stopped with the turn signal on from the top of the hill, 1/2 mile away. I found out later that the girl was a track star coming home from practice, and she shattered the bones in her ankle and foot. She probably destroyed any chance for a running career in college. I understand being a teenager, and how maybe you're not paying attention the way that you should be, and it changes the entire course of your life. Her car was destroyed, the people who looked at my destroyed truck said that the entire frame was twisted and that they were amazed that no one in the truck was injured.

I was relieved that I only had a bump on my leg, and some bruises along my back and on my stomach, a tiny cut from the sunglasses on my face. I was relieved that the girl wasn't critically injured, I was thankful that my kids were okay, except that my potty-trained 2 1/2 year old wasn't potty trained any more. I was also angry that I was very sore and bruised for weeks because a girl wasn't paying attention on a very busy road. I was haunted because there was nothing I could do to avoid being hit. What if the boys had been hurt, or killed? This accident where no one was thankfully seriously injured really affected me. I couldn't shake it, or the funk that followed it. I couldn't sleep for months, instead I'd lie awake listening to my husband and the dog sleep.

In three weeks following the accident, I put on 10 lbs. I could not shake them. I was not stuffing myself, in fact I was probably eating less. Even though after a few weeks, when I was given the okay to start exercising again I got right back to the same intensity and schedule the pounds still wouldn't come off. It's almost six months later, and I still have the 10 pounds - although recently I've not been accountable for my eating (and added 2 more), and I haven't been giving my all on exercise. I've been chasing some idea that would get me motivated, some new exciting exercise.

I'm letting it go.

This week it's time to really let it go and make room for the things that are actually important to me. And guess what? I've already lost two pounds.


Heather said...

Hey I found you through Mrs. F's blog. Nice work on letting it go -- it sounds terrifying for sure, and I can understand that it's taken a while to get over it.

I loved your comment on Mrs. F's blog -- almost rockin body doesn't cut it. I just had a baby and am starting WW Flex to work off the weight. My blog, which doesn't show up in my profile, is if you want to check in. Good luck with your weight loss!

P/F said...

Hey, thanks Heather. I follow WW Core, I'll probably be posting either my menus or my food journal (based on the the 8 good health guidelines)on a weekly basis. Baby weight is so much fun :P

I remember selling swimsuits at Saks just out of college. I had a client who wasn't happy with the way her suits were fitting, but would not even try another size. She said, "I just had a baby, so I'll be needing the smaller size soon." I said, "Congratulations! how old is the baby?" She said, "Twenty-three months."

I remember seeing and really liking your blog before, just before your baby was born. You were considering going private, and I really felt that as a new reader, your private life just wasn't my business :) I also had GD. It is so awesome that you're motivated. After coming off the "GD diet", I gained 25 lbs AFTER the baby was born. It took me six months to figure out that the weight was not going to come off without proper nutrition and exercise (duh!).