Sunday, August 9, 2009
Lately I've been focusing on things in which I either have no control, or it's my responsibility to take over all control to steer my family onto a very difficult path that I feel will leave us better off in the long run. I know that all of this cryptic vocabulary doesn't make it any easier for anyone to help or understand the situation, but I can't really get into it any deeper here.
Without going into detail, I will say that I've been feeling extremely trapped in my current situation, worried about the welfare of those around me, and the welfare of my husband pracitcally killing himself to make everyone happy with the result of keeping everyone miserable. I've been angry about the situation, scared, sad, even devastated. I've also been working so hard to 'put a good light on it' and just deal with the situation and be happy for everything that's going right. This was working out okay until a couple of months ago when we got the rug pulled out from us in a certain regard. A couple of weeks later there was more bad news that left me depleted, then about a month ago a series of events transpired that basically destroyed any hope that this situation would be fixable in any measure whatsoever. That's when I realized that there is a very sound solution, but this means that I actually have to be assertive in my convictions and that I actually have to lead this family and not just follow grudgingly along the path to ruin. I felt the opaque fog that's been struggling to smother me the last few years go away. Instantly. I've been working on the plan for a few weeks now, and I am more convinced that I'm definitely on the right path, as hard as it is to navigate.
So, I've been finding ways to keep me from dwelling on this stuff 24 hours per day. That's where the paint therapy comes in. I found this little bird for $2 at Salvation Army. I've been wanting to try a project like this to see how it would come out.
After a little white paint meditation, the bird emerges a bit more to my taste. Here he is making my bookcase look so much nicer.
So here's to making things a little better, and a bit of paint to make it all easier to deal with.